Random Bag of Yogscast One-Shots
by MrLRocks78
Summary: As the title suggests, I present to you... a bag of random Yogscast-related one-shots! Will be either Shadow of Israphel-related OR Lewis, Simon and Duncan Tekkit-related. Enjoy! The Tekkit Genderbent Universes Dilemma OFFICIAL story is up, as well as the sequel. Rated T for Yogscast.
1. Roasty Toasty Jaffa Cafe

_Author's Note: So I'm currently addicted to the Yogscast... YAH. Mostly their Shadow of Israphel series and Lewis', Simon's and Duncan's Tekkit series. SOOO... I decided to write some random Yogscast-related crap! Enjoy...! If you can!_

Well. Balls.

Xephos, Honeydew, LividCoffee or Lalna, Sips and Sjin were surveying the scene below, each with a different expression and/or reaction altogether. Honeydew was grinning sheepishly, Xephos was speechless with rage, Livid looked quite scared, and Sips and Sjin were stifling laughter and stinging remarks.

The spaceman gritted his teeth and turned with slow deliberaton to face his dwarven friend. Xephos shot Honeydew a murderous look as he spoke.

"So..." he hissed. "You thought it funny... TO SET THE JAFFA CAFE ON FIRE?!"

"It was an accident!" exclaimed Honedyew, flinging his hands up to shield himself from his friend's rage. "A simple mistake!"

"So it was a mistake you managed to _somehow _light up some flint and steel?" demanded Xephos.

"Wow, Honeydew," said Lalna bemusedly. "Just... just wow."

Honeydew drew his ruby sword angrily. "Look, this was all an innocent mistake, okay?!"

Xephos ignored his friend completely. He folded his arms and set his mouth into a tight line before turning firmly away from the pyromaniac dwarf.

Meanwhile, Sips and Sjin were stifling their laughter over the spaceman's treatment of his friend and boss. Honeydew rounded on the two and glared ferociously, but this only proved fuel to their giggling.

"Guys," said Livid absentmindedly. "Quit laughing, okay? We gotta do something about this fire."

"We wouldn't have to do _anything _if it weren't for Honeydew's idiocy!" burst out Xephos angrily.

"Is that even a word?" shot back Honeydew.

"Oh, go and set _yourself_ on fire, why don't you?"

"In case you didn't know, _friend_, I already have! Three times!"

Xephos raised an eyebrow. Honeydew opened his mouth to retort, but realised what he had just said and shut it before turning firmly away.

The remaining three knew it was no good to coax the two friends into talking to each other again. So, they settled down and watched the burning Jaffa Cafe.

"We should really do something to put the fire out," commented Sjin.

"Yeah, at this rate the entire factory's gonna burn down," agreed Sips.

Lalna yawned. "Couldn't agree more. Now who's up for roasting some marshmallows on a stick?"


	2. The Shapeshifting Rings

_Author's Note: More Yogscast. This time, Shadow of Israphel AND Tekkit. R&R!_

Skylord Lysander looked out to the spires of Mistral City. The newly-rebuilt city was even more beautiful than ever, with its own forest too (Swampy's). Fumblemore hadn't approved at first of the change, but the brothers were getting closer. Not ridiculously fast, mind you. Slowly. And steadily. Which was good, according to Aesop.

The blue-clad Skylord sighed. Ever since the defeat of Vitali, the Skylord recruits just kept pouring in. He had been originally faced with relatives or children of the original Skylords, his friends. Horus had an eager fiery young daughter, Finnigan's younger brother had always wanted to join, James's second cousin from Icaria was interested in Skyhold itself.

And yet...

Yet, it all seemed... well, different. Of course, Lysander loved what he did and tried to be his absolute best for the cadets, but there was something missing. No, that wasn't right... _someone_.

"Lysander?"

Said Skylord looked back over his shoulder and experienced a little joyful eruption in his chest as he saw Skylord Jasper standing on the catwalk behind him, flamboyant red coat and all. Lysander smiled and patted the empty space next to him. Smiling in return, Jasper took the offered seat.

KCH!

"What was-" began Jasper.

PTOOIE!

The red-clad Skylord was launched into the air, yelling in shock. The not-Lysander smirked, shielding his eyes against the sun as he watched Jasper fly away into the distance. Cackling, there was a shimmering sound like a Rending Gale sucking up fuel, and LividCoffee replaced Lysander's spot.

"Well, this shapeshifting ring is working wonders!" exclaimed Lalna, examining the purple-jewelled ring interestedly. Please note that this does NOT exist in Tekkit.

"Lalnaaaa!" came an angry voice.

Gulping and blanching, Livid turned around slowly. He soon came face to face with the REAL Skylord Lysander. Grabbing the scientist by the collar, the blue-clad Skylord yanked Lalna up to eye level and glared at him SO angrily...

"H-hi?" squeaked Livid.

Suddenly, there was a trapdoor sound effect, and Lysander fell down through a hole carved into the catwalk. Confused, Livid looked up and saw the REAL Skylord Jasper.

"Jasper?" exclaimed Lalna. "Didn't I launch you into the air?"

Jasper smirked. "That was Honeydew with a shapeshifting ring. He was trying to trick you."

Lalna gaped. "Oh. So... you're the real Jasper?"

And then there was yet another shimmering sound and Israphel appeared.

"Oh."

"Where is the dwarf and spaceman?! TELL ME OR FEEL THE WRATH OF MY ARROWS!"

"AAAAAAHHHH!"


	3. Honeydew and his Idiocy Part II

_Author's Note: I should really start watching Rythian's and Zoey's Tekkit..._

"Dew? Do we have any porkchops left?"

"MWAHAHHAHAHA! Yes."

"K, now where the hell are they?"

"POKING STICK! I got some."

"Right... could you throw me some?"

"MWAAHAHHAHAHHA HAHAHHHAHAHA BWAHAHAHHAHA! Yeah, sure, here."

Xephos looked up at his dwarven friend, confused. LividCoffee was fiddling with the pipes in the ceiling, and Honeydew's bearded face was visible through the transparent transport pipes. Lalna was, as always, completely engaged with his sciency crap, and thus had no room in his head to regard the dwarf's strange maniacal laughter.

"Are you okay, friend?" Xephos called up.

"I'VE GOT MAH SHARPENED POKING STICK!" screamed Honeydew. Then he cleared his throat a few times. "Yes."

"You don't sound it," said the spaceman slowly. He got out a porkchop and chewed on it thoughtfully. Ugh, it was condensed. He _hated _condensed meat...

"Hey, Dew, could you get me Sips and Sjin?" asked Livid suddenly. He broke a few pipes and replaced them with themselves, which seemed entirely pointless to the other two.

"NYAHAHAHHAHA! Sure, where are they?" said Honeydew.

Lalna looked up at the dwarf, realising for the first time that Honeydew was bursting into strange bouts of crazy laughter. His look of confusion was suddenly replaced with a look of panic.

"Honeydew, did you drink a purple-red liquid in a metal beaker that said **DO NOT DRINK UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES**?"

The dwarf thought for a minute, occasionally breaking off into screams of laughter. Then, he replied, "Uh, yeah, I think so."

Xephos and Livid succumbed to two glorious facepalms. Honeydew looked from one to the next, then shrugged before flying off.

"I'll go and get Sips and Sjin for you!" he called over his shoulder.

When he was gone, Xephos groaned, "What the heck are we going to do with that idiot?"

Lalna sighed and continued his fiddling with the pipes. "I dunno. _You're _the nanny."

He ducked as Xephos threw a half-eaten porkchop at him.


	4. Bee-oween

_Author's Note: Happy Thanksgiving!_

"Did we REALLY have to dress up?" sighed Xephos, tugging at his tailcoat. Honeydew, Sjin, Sips and LividCoffee turned to glare at the spaceman, arms folded tightly. Xephos sighed and ducked his head.

Their Tekkit world had been specially decorated for Halloween. Jack-o-lanterns leered at them from every corner. Redstone torches replaced regular ones, and the special blood-red lamps had been put up. Everyone was dressed up.

Honeydew was wearing a chubby pig suit, in honour of Pig Island.

Lalna was dressed up as a mad scientist, which really was cheating seeing as he already was.

Sips was dressed up as a vampire. Don't ask me why. No-one really wants to know.

Sjin was dressed up as Israphel. What's scary is that he played as Israphel from SoI.

**ANYWAY.**

The five Tekkit boys were out trick-or-treating. The Sips Co-ians had the most candy, and were gleefully exchanging their findings, and secretly dropping all thier black liquorice into Lalna's pumpkin. Honeydew had nothing but jaffa cakes in his. Xephos' was filled mostly with tiny jars of honey.

Oh wait. What was Xephos dressed up as?

He was wearing a bright-yellow tailcoat, with jet-black horizontal stripes. He also had plastic strap-on bee wings, a brown headband with fake antennae stuck on, and shiny shiny black shoes. The other four had almost literally forced him into said costume, and it didn't help that everyone they passed sniggered at Xephos and made hooting remarks.

"Notch damn you four..." hissed Xephos through gritted teeth.

A distant buzzing sound leapt into the air. Annoyed, Livid looked back.

"C'mon, Xeph, cut it out!" he exclaimed.

"I still think you cheated by dressing up as yourself!" piped up Sjin indignantly.

Xephos held up his hands defensively. "I'm not doing anything!"

Suddenly, Honeydew, the head of the party, stopped dead. Trembling, he pointed and mouthed something. Then he screamed high-pitchedly and turned and bolted.

Soon, everything was thrown into chaos. Everyone was running and screaming and Sips was still picking up others' dropped candy and Lalna was cursing and Honeydew was screaming and Sjin was muttering that he should've brought his laser...

Then the buzzing stopped.

There had been a sudden swarm of bees, appearing randomly in the night sky, scaring everyone away. But now, where were the bees?

On Xephos. As in, all over Xephos. In his hair, on his plastic wings, on his shoes, even perched on the swaying antennae of his headband. He blew out air, coaxing away the bees nearest to his mouth, and swore venomously.


	5. The Tekkit Genderbent Universes Dilemma

_Author's Note: Ah'ma baychk!  
_

"HONEYSUCKLE!"

The female dwarf looked up in answer to her best friend's calls. Soon, Zephari came running into view, her new fancy gold-lined coat jacket thingy all lopsided.

"Hey, Zeph!" greeted Honeysuckle, waving. "What's up?"

Zephari stopped, panting, and leaned on the condenser to steady herself. "Tuh... Ter... TwistedTeacup's called an all-Jaffa Factory meeting!"

Honeysuckle frowned and cocked her head. "We haven't had those in, like, forever!"

"We've NEVER had them," muttered Zephari, brushing herself down and standing up straight.

"Oh."

"Well, c'mon, Hon!" exclaimed Zephari, hopping off the edge before the flying ring caught her mid-air. "Twisted's threatened to Destruction Catalyst us if we're late!"

"Is that possible?" called Honeysuckle, as Zephari sped out the door. "Remind me to make a note to ask Rythelle!"

Zephari called back something indistinguishable to the dwarf. Sighing, Honeysuckle hopped off the edge and flew after the spacewoman out the Factory door.

* * *

Talna paced backwards and forwards in front of the noticeboard, which had been updated by the ever-meticulous Zephari. Nips was leaning on a sapphire pickaxe, Jacin had sat cross-legged on the grass, Zephari was the only one properly standing, and Honeysuckle was on the roof of the Jaffa Cafe. Why, nobody knows.

"Right!" exclaimed the blonde scientist, stopping in the exact middle of the noticeboard and folding her arms as she looked at the other four. "Do we all know why we're gathered here today?"

There was a wave of murmurs amongst the others, as each turned to their neighbour to discuss their reply to the mysterious, cryptic question. Then, Honeysuckle raised her hand.

"Yes?" asked Teacup.

"Because someone ripped the tag off a mattress," she replied smugly.

There was some giggling. Teacup and Zephari face-palmed, though the latter's reason was mostly to hide her laughter. Talna lowered her hand, gritted her teeth and continued her meeting speech.

"You see, Rythelle thought it was funny to Destruction Catalyst Pig Island-"

"WHAT?!" screamed Honeysuckle, jumping down from the Cafe and confronting Teacup as if she were the mage Rythelle herself. "What d'you MEAN, 'she thought it was funny to Destruction Catalyst Pig Island'?!"

"Exactly what I said," replied Talna, pushing the dwarf away.

"Keep your beard outta our hair-free faces, freak," smirked Nips.

Jacin glared at Nips. Although best friends, Jacin knew when Nips had gone too far. Nips did too, and assumed a sincere apologectic expression.

"Of course it's above Little Miss Perfect to not apologise," hissed Honeysuckle through gritted teeth as she stomped back to the Cafe and slumped against the wall.

"Let's not sook, girls," said Jacin, ever the peace-maker.

"ANYWAY..." Talna raised her voice to bring the others back to earth. "Thanks to Rythelle's little 'prank', we now have lost our entire pork supply!"

"Really?" asked Zephari. "I always assumed we just killed whatever we saw."

"When you say it like that, it makes us sound like bloodthirsty bi-" began Jacin.

But she was never to complete her sentance, thankfully. Right before the finish of a certain WORD, there was a giant flash and...

The Tekkit boys fell outta the sky.

**TO BE CONTINUED. DUN DUN DUUUUN!**


	6. The Mystery of the Missing Xephos

_Author's Note: Well, seeing as there's been positive feedback for my latest one-shot, I've decided to make a little story ark. But, first, some random crap!_

LividCoffee was walking around the Jaffa Factory, looking around for Xephos. He stopped by at the condenser, where Honeydew was trying to force Sips's head into said condenser.

"Hi, Dew," said Lalna, watching the spectacle interestedly. "Sips."

"Hi - Lal - na!" replied Honeydew, punctuating each of his syllables by slamming Sips's head into the condenser. There was some muffled swearing from the dirt trader, quickly cut off by another slam.

"Er, might I ask what the heck you're doing?" Livid questioned.

"He insulted my beard."

"I _commented _on your freakin' beard!" amended Sips angrily.

"You commented RUDELY!"

The scientist watched, exasperatedly, as Sips twisted his body and made a lunge for the dwarf's throat. Honeydew fell backwards, and soon the two bosses from rival companies were engaged in an all-out brawl on the factory floor. Leaving them to themselves, Livid flew off to look for Xephos.

He bumped into Sjin as he came out of the decontamination shower, shaking himself off like a dog.

"Hey, have you seen Xephos anywhere?" asked Livid. "I've looked everywhere and I can't find him."

Sjin shrugged. "Sorry, Lalna. I haven't seen him since yesterday, come to think of it."

"Thanks anyway," sighed the scientist, descending.

* * *

Lalna approached the chest in which everyone chucked their stuff, or as Xephos called it, the "Sorting Chest". The scientist looked up at the pipes absent-mindedly, and was shocked to see...

"Xephos?" exclaimed Lalna.

The spaceman had shrunk so that he fit in the pipes somehow. He was clinging desperately on to the inside of the golden piping, trying to resist the magical pull of the gold.

"L-Livid!" called the miniature spaceman in a squeaky voice. "H-help!"

Stunned, the scientist asked, "How the hell did you get in there?"

"Never mind that!" snapped Xephos angrily, sounding a lot like a chipmunk. "Just get me OUT OF HERE!"

Stifling a laugh, Lalna reached over and broke the pipe with a strike from his sword. Stuff spilled out of the broken piping, as well as the suddenly full-size Xephos. Rubbing his back, Xephos staggered upwards as Livid replaced the pipe.

"Man, you have no IDEA how long I've been stuck in there!" exclaimed the spaceman.

"How did you get in there, anyway?" asked Lalna interestedly.

"Let's... not talk about it."


	7. Tekkit Genderbent Universes Dilemma P2

_Author's Note: A continuation of the Tekkit Genderbent Universe Dilemma or something like that. Enjoy, friends and possible enemies! Ohhh, by the by, this happens BEFORE the boys meet the... um, girls?_

Xephos looked up at the structure built by his scientist friend skeptically. "Um, Livid? Are you sure that this is a good idea?"

"Of course!" exclaimed LividCoffee happily, striking a flame from some flint and steel. He had built a large complicated glowstone structure of the boy and girl sign somehow connected. He lit the circle bit of both signs, then reached into his pocket and drew out a Destruction Catalyst.

"I thought we lost that thing," remarked Sjin.

"Well, I found another," replied Lalna, turning to his handiwork and activating the Catalyst on the purple Nether-like glowing stuff so that it shimmered into a pure white.

"Oooooh," cooed Honeydew.

Sips nodded approvingly. "Man, Lalna, that's pretty fantastic. Now what the heck is this crazy thing supposed to do?"

"Wait, _found_?" demanded Xephos suddenly.

Lalna graciously ignored the spaceman. "I found this nifty little guide on alternate dimensions. I found this particular plan buried away in my computer files, and I thought it would be a good little side project for me."

"So why are we here, exactly?" demanded Sips. "I have high-quality dirt to manufacture, here!"

"Is there one for a jaffa cake universe?" asked Honeydew, "poking" the structure with his poking stick.

"Oi!" snapped Lalna, pushing the dwarf away. "Don't touch it, Dew."

Xephos and Sjin seemed to seriously consider Honeydew's question. Then, the spaceman said, "Well, there really wouldn't be a point of the Jaffa Factory, would there?"

"But this is _Minecraftia _jaffa cakes!" amended the dwarf happily. "Not jaffa-cake-universe jaffa cakes."

"Wouldn't they be, like, the _height _of jaffa cake supremity and quality and taste and such?" mused Sjin, tapping his chin interestedly.

"Like how the dirt universe supplies some of the best universal dirt," added Sips. "Of course, Sips Co. dirt is the number-one dirt you can get, anywhere."

Honeydew frowned at this. "What, you have interdimensional shipments?"

"Oh, yeah! We sell to the Martians and stuff. Y'know, it's really top-secret and confidential and, well, you really wouldn't understand."

"That's funny, because I've lived in space for almost my whole life, and I've never heard anything about dirt shipments," smirked Xephos.

"Ah, GUYS?!" yelled Lalna, clearly irritated by the lack of attention. "An amazing, mystical portal over here?"

Obligingly, the other four walked over to the blonde scientist, where they were surprised to see that the glowstone had turned into a jet-black substance, blacker than black dye or ink sacs or obsidian.

"That's black," remarked Sjin.

"That's racist," replied Sips.

Xephos went closer to the portal to examine it. "So what is this black stuff, anyway?"

"No idea!" said Lalna cheerfully.

The dirt traders went closer to look at the strange portal as well. As they looked at the boy symbol in interest, no-one realised Honeydew sneaking behind them, smirking. They only did when the dwarf had recklessly and impulsively pushed them into the portal, then jumped in afterwards.


	8. Genderbent Tekkit Universe Thingy P3

_Author's Note: Well, purely because BlessedMC seems to be eager for this, I'm posting up the next one-shot. Of course, you all will probably be reading this tomorrow, sooo... yah. TIME BE CONFUSENESS! Also... this is more like a fanfic within a fanfic, but hey. Whatevs, maaaan! ALSO also, not exactly funny. I apologise. Okay, to an end with this overly-long Author's Note!  
_

Xephos groaned and felt his aching head. No, there didn't seem to be any broken bones, though two dirt traders, a dwarf and a scientist happened to be using him as a cushion... The spaceman tried to move, but Honeydew still seemed to be lying on him. Then, the pressure suddenly lifted, and Xephos was able to raise his head.

Huh. There was a scientist. Blonde. Blue eyes. Lab coat. Goggles...

"Lalna?" said Xephos stupidly, as the scientist woman helped him to his feet.

"What?" came another voice. Xephos turned around and saw... wait, Lalna? Yes, that was him. Honeydew, Sips and Sjin were there too. But...

**Who the heck were _those_ girls?!**

There was an extremely awkward silence that passed, girls looking at boys, both genders completely dumbfounded. Then, Sips and a girl who looked a lot like him swore loudly.

"Livid," hissed Xephos through gritted teeth. "What the HECK have you DONE?!"

"T-Twisted?" called a voice. "Is... is this supposed to happen?"

Xephos whirled around so fast he nearly snapped his neck. The sight that met his eyes almost rendered said eyes to be torn out on impulse.

There was a girl. Young woman. His age. Same hair colour. Same eyes. Same clothes. Similar voice. Xephos swallowed about fifty times then, stammered unsuredly, "Are you... me?"

The girl-Xephos blinked.

"By Notch!" the two scientists suddenly exclaimed.

"This is absolutely fascinating!" remarked Livid happily.

"You five appear to be exact replicas of us... just as males!" added girl-Lalna.

"We must be in some alternate universe," mused Lalna.

"Oh, this is perfect!" concluded girl-Livid. "Do you have jaffa cakes where you come from? Is Minecraftia and Tekkitopia different? What about your names? What are your names?"

Honeydew thankfully put this to an end. He flung his arms up into the air and yelled something dwarvish that, although unintelligable to those present - save for girl-Honeydew - silenced all voices.

Someone who appeared to be girl-Sjin shook her head. "Okay. Let's... um, let's get niceties out of the way."

"Want some coffee?" asked girl-Xephos half-heartedly.

"Oh, come on!" scoffed girl-Honeydew. "Men like these fine lads deserve only the best ale for miles around!"

"Now THAT sounds good to me!" agreed Honeydew happily.

Xephos, Sips and Sjin, on the other hand, rounded on Lalna.

"If you don't figure out a way for us to get back, I will personally MURDER you," hissed Sjin, jabbing Lalna forcefully in the chest.

Sips said nothing, but threw the scientist a murderous glare before following Sjin. Xephos stared after the latter dirt trader.

"Never knew he could be that scary."


	9. Yogponies and OOC Stuff

_Author's Note: PONIES. THAT IS ALL. Also, the next one-shot will be the last Tekkit Genderbent Universe thing, but there WILL be a proper fanfic for it. Don't worries! ALSO also, I have never written Lomadia. Sooo... I probably screwed up. Big time.  
_

"Happy early Heart's and Hooves Day!"

"What are you getting the ol' mare for Heart's and Hooves?"

"I can't wait for Heart's and Hooves Day!"

Sips and Sjin walked through the streets of Tekkitopia, the latter pony looking extremely nervous. Sips looked over at his fellow earth pony, and couldn't help but stifle a laugh with a grey hoof as he saw his best friend visibly shaken up at the prospect of Heart's and Hooves Day.

"So are you going to be asking MintyMinute out anytime soon?" teased Sips.

"Sh-shut up, Sips!" snapped the visibly-blushing Sjin. "Listen, I'm just gonna stay home like I do every year for Heart's and Hooves Day."

Sips shook his head disapprovingly. "Sjin, you will be forever alone if you don't get out and find a mare. You hear me? For-EVER!"

On the last word, Sips suddenly appeared in the clouds with a face remeniscent of Pinkie Pie. In a split second, he was back on the ground. Sjin chose - wisely - not to question this strange Pinkie-Pie-like happening.

* * *

Meanwhile, Honeydew and Lalna were walking around, looking for Xephos. They had spotted a slight explosion in the weather factory, followed by pegasi fleeing for their lives, an they were concerned for both the spacepony and Lomadia, who had been working a shift. By pure chance, they bumped into Scribble Wing, a much-loved aspiring author.

"Hey, Scribble!" exclaimed Honeydew. "Have you seen Xephos or Lomadia?"

The golden-brown pony shook her head sadly. "S-sorry, Sir Honeydew, I haven't seen nopony I personally know since the new weather equipment malfunctioned!"

With that, Scribble flew off. Honeydew rounded on LividCoffee and glared at him.

_It's not often I get to do this, _thought the bearded earth pony happily, as he yelled at the alabaster unicorn scientist, "YOU SCREWED UP!"

"Maybe so," said Livid, carefully backing away. "But you have to cut me some slack! I mean, it's not every day I get a special request from the head of the Tekkitopia weather factory requesting MY equipment. I've never engineered for pegasi!"

"You idiot," sighed Honeydew, facehoofing.

Lalna cocked his head. "You know, that is really interesting. Not many ponies call me an idiot. It's so weird to hear it for the first time to my face..."

"It's weird to say it," admitted Honeydew. "Come on, let's look for Xephos."

* * *

Meanwhile, Xephos was teetering precariously on a cliff. Lomadia was looking down at him from the clouds happily. The unicorn poked one wooden, leafy fake wing unsuredly.

"Ah, Lomadia?" called Xephos. "Are you sure this is going to work?"

"Of COURSE!" exclaimed Lomadia. "You just worry too much, Xeph. I'm an expert at flight. Trust me!"

"Through my experience, whenever somepony says to trust them, you generally turn tail and canter off in the opposite direction."

"Well, you can canter off this cliff."

"That's mean," said Xephos, affronted.

"That's the whole point of this excercise," retorted Lomadia.

Xephos sighed and looked down at the very steep cliff. Gulping resignedly, he quadruple-checked his hanglider-fashioned fake wings, took a few giant breaths, and cantered over the side of the cliff.

"Let's see if Test No. #465 will work," murmured Lomadia, as Xephos fell yelling and fearing for his life.

* * *

He found himself in the hospital with thirteen broken bones.


	10. TO BE CONTINUED! DUN DUN DUUUN!

_Author's Note: As mentioned before, this is the last one-shot Tekkit Genderbent Universes chapter to be uploaded. There WILL be a proper fanfic! So if you want a continuation, be PATIENT and WAIT for the PROPER version. Okay? Okaaaay!  
_

"Absolutely fascinating," breathed Twisted, completely ignoring her lukewarm tea for once. "So you ARE male versions of us!"

"I had no idea what would be in store for us when I made that portal," admitted Lalna. "And... wow! I can't believe Honeyd- um, Honeysuckle... still has a beard!"

The other eight surveyed the two scientists deep in discussion, none of them displaying a fraction of the enthusiasm enthused by their enthusiastic enthusiasts.

"You ever realise that when you say a word a lot it loses all meaning?" said Honeydew randomly.

Zephari facepalmed. "Listen, Honeysu- DEW, HoneyDEW. Um, we need to find a way to get you guys home."

"Yeah, being around girls who are supposed to be boys isn't exactly the best experience," agreed Xephos.

Sjin frowned. "Aw, can't we stick around for a bit? I want to see girl Ryth- um, Rythelle... and Zoe- Zac. Zacyo."

"Wow," smirked Sips. "These names SUCK."

"What kind of name is Sips?" retorted Nips angrily.

"I find it very strange that you manage to argue with yourself," said Honeysuckle lightly.

"I find it very strange that you manage to live with hair taking up half your face," sneered Nips.

"NIPS!" snapped Jacin.

"Well, excuse me!" snapped Honeydew. "I find her beard to be marvellous."

"You ARE her, you know," pointed out Xephos.

"So your opinion isn't exactly valid," added Zephari.

"Nips is WAY more antagonistic than Sips," said Sjin randomly.

"I'd like to see what a boy Nips is like," said Jacin randomly.

"And we're still talking about needless crap!" sighed Xephos, facepalming. "Disappointing..."

Suddenly, the two scientists finished their enthusiastic enthusiastic enthusi-talk. And yes, that's a word now.

"Right then, let's go!" called Livid happily. "I'm done with my data collection."

"Same here," piped up Twisted. "But, wow, I'd love to visit your world!"

Lalna laughed nervously. "Well, trust me, it's very much like this place."

"I can't believe you have an odd light on the pink level!" giggled Talna.

"Apparently it's Livid's favourite thing in the Factory," informed Sips randomly.

"Well, we better be off," sighed LividCoffee. "It's been a pleasure meeting you all. Now, do you have any glowstone?"

* * *

"Nope," sighed Jacin, as she and Zephari descended from the storage level.

"Apparently we don't even have any dust!" exclaimed Zephari.

"That miiiight be me using it for flying ring fuel," said Honeysuckle sheepishly.

TwistedTeacup blushed. "Ah, sorry, looks like we don't have any glowstone."

"No-one's got any in their inventory?" asked Lalna half-heartedly.

The Tekkit boys checked their pockets. Of course, the search yielded fruitless.

"Oh, that's just peachy!" muttered Xephos angrily. "What the heck are we gonna do now we're stuck with female versions of ourselves?!"

"You make it sound like it's a bad thing," said Jacin affrontedly.

"Easy!" said Nips. "We just go into the Nether. How hard could that be?"

Of course it was going to be batshit insanely hardcore.


	11. Thank You for Over 30 Reviews!

_Author's Note: Oh... oh God... p-please forgive me for lateness! I've been caught up on this awesome book, Close to the Bone by a certain Stuart Macbride, and yeah. Enjoy random crap!_

"Hey, guys, I'm back," called Sips to the Factory and all its glorious inhabitants.

"Awwwww..." That was from Livid.

"Oh, go to the Nether, Lalna," snapped Sjin. He descended to the ground level at an alarming rate. Seriously alarming, like I'm surprised he didn't burst into flames upon re-entry.

_Anyway..._

"Haaaaii, Sips!" grinned Sjin. "So did you get me anything?"

"Whut," said Sips, in true Sips style.

"I'm HUNGRY!" whined Sjin. "You SERIOUSLY didn't get any chocolate or bars or chocolate bars?"

"I have some random gold I've been carrying around with all my other crap," offered Sips, procuring said gold bar out of his pocket. "I could paint it brown for you and say it's some Kit Kat."

"Then it would look like a turd," said a randomly passing Xephos.

"Always the insensitive one," sighed a randomly-passing-Xephos-following Honeydew.

"Says you!"

"Yeah, says me!"

"Who's saying what?" said a randomly curious Lalna, his little blonde head appearing from the colourful lighty chute.

...

Okay, yeah, so not so little. Seriously, guy's gotta have a skull the size of Cthulu to fit a brain the size of Cthulu!

AHEM-HUM-HOO-HAY.

"No, Sjin, I did not get some chocolate or bars or chocolate bars for you," continued Sips.

"Aw, Siips!"

"I-I'm sorry, Sjin. I could try and steal some from some poor mother but, well, y'know. This is Tekkitopia. We aren't gonna find chocolate bars for miles - "

"Oh, look, some random Kit Kat bar!" called Honeydew, holding aloft said random Kit Kat bar like it was a trophy.

"Oh, um, I don't like Kit Kat," said Sjin apologectically.

"Whut," said Honeydew, in true Honeydew style.

The randomly passing Xephos randomly passed and snatched said Kit Kat bar before swallowing it. Yep, no chewing. Just _down the hatchet _with that guy.

**AND THEN THE REAL NOT-RANDOMLY-PASSING XEPHOS BURST THROUGH THE DOOR!**

"Get out, you randomly passing imposter!" yelled the spaceman, holding up his Red Matter sword.

"Careful, you'll amputate someone like that," said Livid, who's head that has no official size popped out of the lighty flying chute again.

"I'm STILL hungry!" yelled Sjin like a spoiled brat, stamping his foot.

"I can haz hug?" said Honeydew.

"Not very convenient, Dew," remarked Sips.

"Doesn't ANYONE care about this issue?" said the real Xephos feebly.

"No," said the randomly passing Xephos.

* * *

"So that's what happens when you're late?" asked Lalna disappointedly.

"Yes," I replied. "Yes."

and then i exploded the end


	12. MrLRocks78's Attempt at a Creepy Yogfic

_Author's Note: Alright, the Tekkit Genderbent Universes Dilemma fic is officially up! Hope you crazy followers/reviewers/fans are pleased with the first chapter! Ohhh, and a quick shout-out to Bless. Please please please give me more feedback on my fic! Oh, and that goes for anyone reading this too. ;)  
_  
Diggy diggy hole...

"Honeydew? Friend? Are you out here?"

The dwarf looks up, leans on the dirt-stained shovel. It's cold, midnight, and the others are having a little celebration of the making of the first jaffas. The spaceman is walking towards him, a slightly concerned expression dimmed by the influence of alchohol.

"Hey, Dew," greets the spaceman. "Why are you out here?"

"I'm digging," replies the dwarf.

"I can see that," acknowledges the spaceman with an inclination of his head. "I'd think you'd be inside, singing or something, drunk out of your skull."

"You would," hisses the dwarf underneath his breath. Out loud, he beams, "Naw, I just felt like digging. Intuition, you know?"

The spaceman nods a bit and totters uncertainly. He isn't a strong drinker, but the little alchohol he has downed is taking its toll.

The dwarf feels something in the air. Not the ground. Something that pulls him to somewhere he doesn't know, isn't familiar with. But he is curious, and wants to explore this strange world. This strange dark world.

The dark side, you could say.

Diggy diggy hole... "Xephos, could you come here?"

"Why?" says the spaceman.

The dwarf beckons. "I want you to judge my hole. I mean, I want it to be perfect. The Dwarf-Dug Hole of Honeydew Inc!"

The spaceman grins, drunkenly. Of course, no one would suspect the innocent, cutie dwarf. Least of all the innocent, cutie dwarf's best friend.

Diggy diggy hole... "Hmmm, it's quite big," remarks the drunk spaceman.

The dwarf smiles to himself, evilly. He raises his dirt-stained shovel. Brings it down with a CLANG on the spaceman's head.

He doesn't mean to hit the spaceman too hard. But already the spaceman's cranium is bleeding.

Crimson blood. Scarlet blood. Red blood.

Diggy diggy hole...


	13. I Can't Write Rythian

_Author's Note: Kay, this is a future fic (is that what they're called?), taking place a few years after the finish of the Jaffa Factory. ALSO I CAN'T WRITE RYTHIAN ABLABLABLA SHORT ONESHOT  
_

"GAH."

Rythian let the wrench fall from his grip, stamping his foot angrily. "Stupid... stupid... science..."

Lalna raised an eyebrow and stifled a laugh as he leant against the frame of the open door, watching the mage attempt to fix his newest invention. Of course, he had "tinkered" with it beforehand, and although Rythian had risen spectacularly to the challenge, he hadn't managed to do so much as poke it without damaging it further.

"I HATE SCIENCE!" declared Rythian. It was true, he did.

The mage whirled around and pointed dramatically at the scientist. "And I hate you, too!"

Livid laughed. "C'mon, Ryth, you know how much you bet!"

"I can't believe I wasted fifty diamonds on this crap..." muttered Rythian, as he resignedly picked up the wrench and poked the invention cautiously.

It exploded.

Swearing, Rythian hauled himself up, his face covered in soot, his hair closely resembling an overgrown porcupine. Lalna couldn't take it; he burst out laughing, doubling over as he hooted and guffawed.

Flashing the blonde the finger, Rythian attempted to dust the soot off his clothes, then his face. Swearing again as he found that he had only made it worse, Rythian turned back to the little robot-like sonofabitch invention thing.

After a while, in which Rythian triggered two more explosions and nearly set the desk on fire, he set the wrench down and uttered, "THAT'S IT. I'M DONE."

He brought out a large, fat bag, evidently filled with diamonds. Lalna snatched it cockily as he passed him, then scooped up the play-invention.

After a bit of tinkering, in which he used nothing but his hands and some hair, Livid set down the robot and watched it meander around the desk.

Rythian flipped a table, then got out a Red Matter sword and began attempting to decapitate the scientist.


	14. Over a Barrel

_Author's Note: ZOMG R U SERRIUZZ EYE CN ACUTUALE RITE RYTHIAN YAYZ HAFF SUM YOGPONIZ  
_  
"Psst! Honeydew! Are you asleep yet?"

"No. Are YOU asleep yet?"

Xephos' head and neck swung into view, the candlelight splashing yellow onto the lower parts of said head and neck. The unicorn raised an eyebrow, then facehoofed, as he heard the dwarf-pony's response.

"If I was sleeping, how could I have asked you if _you were asleep_?" snapped the spacepony hotly.

Another head and neck swung into view, a beige one with a glorious ginger beard and horned war helmet. Honeydew chuckled. "Heh, oh yeah."

"Listen to me! Do you think when we get to the Modlands we're gonna have to haul that HUGE tree ALL the way from the station to the orchard?"

Honeydew's brow creased as he thought. Finally, he said, "What tree? Y'mean Goldiling?"

Another facehoof from the reddish pony. "Noooo, _Sips_."

"Sips isn't a tree, silly!" laughed Honeydew.

Lalna's head now swung into view. "Hey guys! What's up?"

"Xephos thinks that Sips is a TREE!" exclaimed the dwarf-pony.

"I do NOT think he's a tree, I was just - " began Xephos angrily.

"Did you SAY he was a tree?" cut in Sjin, who had also swung into view.

"No!" A moment's pause. "Well, yes." Pause. "No." Pause. "Well, not exactly - !"

"Y'know he's... not a tree, right?" pointed out Livid helpfully.

"He's not a tree, Xephos!" chirped Honeydew.

"I'd like to be a tree," said Sips mildly, whose head swung down from the upper bunks.

"**OH FOR NOTCH'S SAKE!**" screamed Toby suddenly, sitting bolt upright.

The young stallion swung out of bed, clutching a pillow, and stomped off to the other cabin. The other four stallions watched - Xephos with a raised eyebrow - as Toby disappeared into the other cabin.

"Well, THAT was kinda huffy," remarked Xephos.

Sips smirked. "Now THAT was so totally huffy!"

Honeydew, Lalna and Sjin laughed at the joke. Soon, they had gotten Xephos and Sips laughing too, and pretty soon the entire gang was cracking up, always in danger of toppling the candle over.

Then InTheLittleWood's - also known as Martyn's - head and neck swung into view.

"Be quiet... **NOW!**"

There was a shocked gasp, then Sjin blew out the candle.


	15. Lysander Thanks You For Fifty Reviews!

_Author's Note: Shadow. Of. Israphel.  
_

Lysander sighed and leaned against his pick. He was lingering outside the entrance of the mine hesitantly, his fear of the underground stilling his feet. Still, he was fighting an internal battle.

Jasper was down there. He was leading some of the new Skylords on a little mining expedition. The general dullness of day-to-day Skyhold patrols and cadet training and such had finally been interrupted, and said interruption had been taken with open arms.

Right now, Jasper was accompanying Skylord Markus, the blacksmith; Skylord Sebastian, the walking wikipedia; and Skylord Katrina, the boundless bubbling bundle of energy and joy. Skylord Nicoli, the prankster, trickster, and merry mischief-maker, was waiting with Lysander.

"Don't WORRY, Sander!" cawed Nicoli, as he did a double back-flip after launching himself off the bow of the waiting Celaeno. "They'll be fiiiiiine."

Lysander whirled on Nicoli. "How can you SAY that?! They're underground. UNDER. GROUND. _Anything_ could go wrong!"

Nicoli span around on his heel, a bright-blue blur, and pointed a finger dramatically at the head Skylord. "Name one!"

The navy-clad Skylord blinked and sucked in a giant breath remeniscent of Pinkie Pie.

"They-could-be-cornered-by-creepers-or-the-cave-could-fall-in-or-they-could-die-of-starvation-or-they-could-find-lava-and-fall-in-it-or-someone-could-hit-someone-else-and-start-an-all-out-brawl-or-they-could-fall-down-a-super-high-height-and-die-of-fall-damage-or-they-could-find-a-ravine-and-get-stuck-or-they-could-get-lost-or-they-could-find-an-activated-Ender-portal-and-fall-in-or-they-could-drown-in-an-underwater-spring-or-they-could - "

Nicoli shut Lysander up by throwing an egg at him. When Lysander had wiped the egg off his face, he resisted the urge to flash Nicoli the finger. Instead, he turned around and sat, waiting for the small company to come up.

After a while, when Lysander was nodding off to sleep, and the sun was setting, he was awoken by screams.

He sprang to his feet, drawing his sword. Nicoli got out his bow and notched an arrow. Lysander stepped back, his sword ready to thrust forwards, and...

Jasper came running into view.

"Jasper!" called a deep, masculine voice. The giant hulking frame of Markus came lumbering into view, closely followed by the bespectacled Sebastian and the ponytail-bearing Katrina.

"What is it?!" babbled Lysander. "What happened? Who screamed? Why..."

He trailed off as he saw Jasper. He was panting, and wildly gesturing, and making obscene hand gestures to Nicoli as he pranced around teasing him.

"Lysander... there... it... _him_..."

"Who?!" chorused Lysander and Nicoli.

Jasper straightened up, cleared his throat, and declared in a loud, obnoxious, carrying voice, "**WE FOUND GOLD****!**"


	16. The Survival Games

_Author's Note: So I just finished watching the three-part Survival Games, and thought "GENDERBEND." It doesn't follow it exactly though, soooo... don't kill me?  
_

"Oh my Score... OH MY SCORE, IT'S HONEYSUCKLE!"

Tori looked up. "Wha... are you serious? I thought I killed her!"

"Yeah, she's down at the beach!" The Sapling Queen drew her diamond sword and, tossing her blonde hair out of her eyes, began chasing after the dwarf-woman.

"Don't let her see your diamond sword!" cautioned Tori, running after her partner.

"Oh, I think she's already seen," said InTheLittleForest sheepishly. In fact, Honeysuckle was running considerably faster than usual. Bridgecat was flying around, silent as she observed the chase unfolding before her.

"Hey, I'm over here!" called Tori, coming into view while clutching her sword.

"AAAAH!" screeched Honeysuckle, swerving to try and turn, thus slowing her down. Melanie struck her with her sword, jumping as she did so. Honeysuckle cowered and flailed, striking out with her fists uncoordinately. Tori chose this moment to appear around the corner, and slashed at Honeysuckle too. There was a flurry and flash of blades and yelling, then Honeysuckle fell to the floor, dripping blood. This gory scene quickly disappeared in a poof of smoke.

"Suckle!" called the faint voice of faraway Zephari.

"I was just out for a ghostly stroll!" screamed Honeysuckle, from her spawn point.

Melanie and Tori burst out laughing. Tori managed to convey back, "Oh, sorry, girl! I got a bit spooked!"

"Heh, yeah, me too! Sorry, friend!" called Melanie.

Bridgecat nodded to herself, sharing a silent joke.

"Alright, so there's just Lorodian, right?" asked Tori, as they set out. Even now, their bruises were healing quickly.

"Um, yeah, I think s- OW!"

The Sapling Queen tugged an arrow out of her shoulder angrily, and looked up to the roof of the nearby dilapitated building. There stood Lorodian, in his adventurer's tunic, attempting to shoot Melanie down. His cover blown, he quickly jumped down from the roof and began sprinting down the other way.

"Hey, he was trying to snipe me!" exclaimed Melanie hotly.

"Don't worry, I'll get him!" yelled back Tori, as she chased after the owl keeper.

Melanie swerved to the left and plunged into the forest that she loved so. "You chase him to the middle, I'll cut him off!"

Tori yelled back in affirmation. Lorodian said something indistinguishable. He probably swore. But he hadn't heard the girls' exchanged plan.

Soon, the teenager had chased Lorodian into the centre. She chased him to the left, when Melanie burst out.

"AAAAAH!" he yelled, much like Honeysuckle.

"Oh, damn, Bridge!" warned Tori, even as she struck out at the already-fleeing Lorodian.

Bridgecat was flying around, a blur, as she spawned about a dozen creepers. InTheLittleForest forced her way through the hissing, exploding, frowning throng, and followed her and Tori's quarry.

"You are having an absolute BUBBLE!" she screamed at Bridgecat angrily. The commentator simply shrugged and began announcing the chase to the entire server.

Suddenly, Melanie collided head-on with Tori, who had just slain Lorodian. Panting, she smiled at Melanie, who flashed her the thumbs-up and a high five to boot.

"There are now two players in the field: InTheLittleForest and SoTotallyTori!" announced Bridgecat, spoiling the moment.

"Oh, you are KIDDING me!" snapped Tori. She then folded her arms resolutely. "Well, I'm not shooting my best fr- AAGH!"

"Sorry, Tori," apologised Melanie sincerely, withdrawing her bloody diamond sword from her friend's heart. "No hard feelings, right? Nothing personal."

SoTotallyTori disappeared in a poof of smoke, a look of hurt and betrayal and hatred burned into her eyes.


	17. Dual Request from Southernson and Arashi

_Author's Note: By un-popular demand (and to shut up this super annoying naggy thing called THAT BIT OF MY BRAIN RELATED TO ALL THINGS YOGSCAST), I have started to watch - dun dun duuun! - Rythian and Zoeya's Tekkit! *cue fanfare*_

**DUAL REQUEST FROM SOUTHERSON AND ARASHI KANASHIMI  
**

* * *

It was a beautiful day in Minecraftia.

Zephari, Honeysuckle and TwistedTeacup were taking a stroll around the newly-repaired and rebuilt Mistral City. Skylord Lachesis was chasing after Skylord Jessica, the latter probably have stolen something in revenge for that little towel incident. In fact, Honeysuckle was filling the born-and-bred Tekkitopian scientist on said incident.

"And then I broke the fountain, and the water came SPILLING out of the fountain, and Jess was all like 'AAAH COLD WATER' and Lachesis had her towels and she was all like 'OH CRAP' and then Jess managed to chase after Lachesis and - "

Honeysuckle suddenly descended into a fit of hysterical laughter. Talna was already breathless from laughing, and suddenly got enough breath back to explode with laughter. Not literally, of course.

Zephari was lost in thought. Being from space, she understood little of others' feelings. Sure, her closest friends she understood. But... Jessica? Lachesis? Even **  
**Knightess Enigma's feelings was just as mysterious as her title!

Aw, heck to it. The simple truth was, with others, Zephari could understand well enough - not REALLY understand, you understand - the emotions of strangers, or at least aquaintances. But... alone? Vulnerable? She was as naked as a hatched chicken.

And she hated it. She hated this feeling of helplessness. With a sword, she was handy. With a bow and arrow, she was handy. With emotions, she was had-her-hands-lopped-off-by-Nips's-axe-y.

She had to stop this weakness. Now.

* * *

"Huh, I don't remember this alley being here!" remarked Honeysuckle, as Zephari led her down said alley. In reality, it was one of those backwater deserted vermin-infested alleys, the kind of alleys where crimes and unspeakable things were done by blackened souls inhabiting human bodies to real, legit, pure-hearted humans. Or maybe the other way around. Zephari wasn't sure.

"Well, KE told me there was a spider spawner down here," said Zephari experimentally.

Honeysuckle blanched immediately, and stumbled backwards. "I... don't like spiders," she stammered tersely.

Hmm. Fear. One of the strangest, and unpredictable, feelings.

"Don't worry," coaxed Zephari, pushing her 'friend' gently forwards. In reality, she was expendable. Like all those others, expendable tools to be used and broken and put down and burned. "It's fine. I'll protect you... y'know, if ya need it!"

She put a teasing tone in her voice. Honeysuckle was visibly ticked off now. Her pride - a stubborn feeling, as well as stubbornness itself - always won over her fear. Shouldering on, she retorted, "Get outta the way, girl! COME AT ME, SPIDEYS!"

Zephari led her friend down the alley, then turned right. She was suddenly excited as she saw the iron door that would solve all her problems.

"In here?" said Honeysuckle, tentatively. Tentatively. Feeling. Something Zephari did not understand. Unacceptable.

"Yup!" said Zephari. She then mock-bowed. "After you."

Honeysuckle flashed her the finger, then pressed the button to enter the small dark room. Zephari slipped in after, just before the iron door - light glancing off its polished surface - shut with a clang.

The dwarf-lady immediately started panicking. "AAH! SPIDER! AAAAACH! GET AWAAAY!"

"That's just me, friend," said Zephari, in what she considered to be a soothing tone. Honeysuckle definitely seemed to think so, as she calmed relatively so.

"Okay... okay... phew..."

Then Zephari knocked her out with one swift punch.

* * *

Honeysuckle woke up in a strange room. Her head hurt, and there was a slight pain in her neck. She squinted and blinked, for her retinas were immediately assaulted by a searing-white strobe light. She tried to get up, but her arms felt sluggish, and she was strapped down with tough leather anyway. She was conscious of a familiar weight missing from her head, and something else...

"MY BEARD!" she screamed suddenly, enraged. Her face was completely bare! Naked! She shivered. Oh, heck, was it cold... How did the girls stand it? She then gritted her teeth, rage flaring up once more. Her beard! Someone had SHAVED it! And while she was knocked ou-

Knocked out? By who?

Honeysuckle couldn't believe it. No, she WOULDN'T believe it. She had probably tripped or something, knocked herself out?

But before she could ponder this any longer, Zephari came into view.

There were a few things wrong. One, she was wearing that weird jacket thing with gold trimming and buckles and straps and stuff. It resembled Lachesis' and Jessica's jackets, now that she thought about it.

Two, was that a steely, creepy glint in her royal blue eyes that belayed her calm, friendly nature?

And three... _why was she holding a surgeon's scalpel_?

"Hello, Honeysuckle," said Zephari mildly, spinning the scalpel held in her hand as if it were her beloved diamond sword.

"Z-Zeph?" stammered Honeysuckle, suddenly terrified for her life. "Um... what am I doing here? Could you... please untie me?"

Zephari actually _laughed_. In that laugh, that evil, cold, unfeeling laugh, Honeysuckle realised that this was NOT the Zephari she knew. She suddenly began struggling against her bonds, anything, _anything_, to get away from this not-Zephari.

"Oh, Honeysuckle," sighed Zephari, looking down at the scalpel and taking a few slow deliberate steps towards Honeysuckle. She drummed a few fingers on the steel table that the dwarf-lady was tied down on. "You don't get it? Well, allow me to explain."

The spacewoman turned around, that long coat thing swishing behind her, as she looked up to the sky she couldn't see. Or could she? This not-Zephari could do ANYTHING that Zephari could... and more...

"Ever since I met you, you always... intrigued me," sighed not-Zephari, a silky tone in her voice. "Your blatantly-shown feelings, your joy, your - " Her mouth twisted into a sour smile, " - _sense of humour_."

Not-Zephari sighed and turned to face Honeysuckle, her face now thunderous, angry, evil. "I never UNDERSTOOD it. I hated me for it. I hated YOU for it. I hated hated HATED... this THING so meagre and unimportant and SIMPLE out of my reach..." Then she calmed so suddenly Honeysuckle was petrified. "But now I'll know. Now... now I can SEE. See... with eyes... and you know what?"

"Wh-what?" Honeysuckle was almost forced out of her will to reply.

"Eyes are the windows to the soul," quoted not-Zephari, inching closer, her eyes alight with malice as she raised her scalpel. "And your soul is just what I need to _see_."

She chuckled at the pun. But Honeysuckle didn't. She screamed and screamed as the scalpel dug hungrily into flesh. Into eye. Into _her_.


	18. B-Day Present for TheDarkTwilightWolf

_Author's Note: Okay, the official sequel of the Tekkit Genderbent Universes Dilemma is NOW UP! *cue happy happy face* Also, this is a birthday gift for a Sjips fangirl on deviantART. High five, TheDarkTwilightWolf! *cough*Ialsosuckatromancesodon'tkillmeplease*cough*  
_  
Sips Co. was covered in snow. Literally. The stuff was heaped in obnoxious piles around the facility, and it certainly did NOT help when you were trying to navigate the darned place.

Sips was trying to do exactly this, his arms filled with stone, iron ore, gold ore, redstone and general mining loot. He had been on a proper mining expedition, mostly to shut up Sjin's insistence that they do at least one thing the "good old Minecraft mainland way". Really! That bearded architect could be a real annoyance. Still, contrary to the lumberjack's many threats that he would kick him out, Sips would never do so.

Too freaking cute for that.

The pale-skinned CEO, instead of skirting around the frozen pool, jumped on to it and began skating across without a moment's thought. Of course, this only worked so well, as the sturdily-built man failed to retain balance for longer than two seconds, and collapsed in a heap.

Swearing, Sips massaged his aching backside. After a while, he managed to flip onto his hands and knees and crawl around trying to pick up the assorted stuff, not trusting himself to stand up.

The cold of the ice suddenly bit at him angrily, attacking his palms and his lower legs. Sips began swearing profusely, trying harder to pick up the loot. This simply caused more issues, as for each thing he picked up, two items spilled out of his grip.

Then a cold, harsh wind picked up, whipping sleet into his eyes, hair and mouth. With difficulty, aiding slightly by his rage, Sips got into an upright standing position and glared up at the grey, cloud-filled, sky, completely devoid of sunlight and warmth.

"WELL THANKS A BLOODY TON FOR NOTHING, NOTCH!" screeched the CEO, shaking his middle fingers at the heavens and regretting nothing. A particularly strong gust of wind suddenly barreled into his shaking legs, probably sent by Notch, and flipped Sips back onto his hands and knees.

By this time, all the other items had drifted out of reach. Helplessly, Sips staggered towards them, crawling like a babby, muttering and swearing and spitting sleet out of his mouth.

Of course, Sjin just HAD to come out of the main building and see him floundering around on the frozen pool like a fish out of water. The architect couldn't help but explode with laughter as he saw his grumpy, stoic boss messing around on the icy surface of the pool.

Then a proverbial lightbulb went on in his head.

"Heeeey, Sips!"

Sips glared upwards, his teeth gritted and set. Of course, his already bad mood wasn't improved in the least to see Sjin skate towards him expertly, hands behind his head and looking as though it was as natural as walking.

"Go... away..." muttered Sips, making a lunge for a spinning stone block inches too far.

"Need a hand?" offered Sjin, so cheery and chipper and bubbly and all the rest of it that Sips felt like punching the others' face in.

Sips facepalmed. "Noooo Sjin, I'm absolutely fine. Got it aaall under control. Your presence is unneeded here."

Sjin simply smirked and set off again, circling around and around Sips on the ice like a shark. After a few laps, he bent down and began scooping up the items, never missing a beat. When he had finished, he had all the items in his arms. Sticking his tongue out at Sips, he turned around and set off for the sorting facility.

Sips just watched him go, mouth hanging open. Then it began to rain.

* * *

"Why the hell did you stay out there?" demanded Sjin, both genuinely surprised at Sips' stupidity, and also extremely exasperated at Sips' stubbornness. What the heck went through that guy's mind?!

Sips simply set his mouth in a hard line - not hard to do for him - and sank back into the pillows. Suddenly, he sneezed violently. Sjin jumped to the side just in time, then glared angrily at his boss.

Dipping a cloth into cold water, he wrung it out, then placed it on Sips' forehead. Stubbornly, Sips pushed it off. Sjin put his hands on his hips and pursed his lips.

"Sips, you're not gonna get better if you don't let me take care of you!" snapped Sjin.

"But it's coooold," whined Sips obnoxiously.

Sjin took a deep breath. "It's supposed to be cold, so that it'll take your temperature down!"

"Sjin, I'm freakin' freezing!" retorted Sips, yanking up the covers. "If you're gonna take care of me, become a proper freakin' doctor beforehand!"

That was the last straw. Sjin threw his hands up exasperatedly and exclaimed, "Fine! FINE! If you're not gonna effin' cooperate, I'll leave you to die!"

"FINE!" screamed back Sips, but Sjin had already stomped out. Sips watched the normal, everyday, definitely-not-mahogany door slam shut, then ran a callused hand through his short messy hair and fell back onto the pillow.

Great. Why couldn't he keep his big fat mouth shut when he needed it shut?! Sjin really was quite a good healer, having done so quite a few times. But could Sips just shelve his pride for the sake of his health? Noooooo! The CEO facepalmed and buried his face into the pillow, regardless of his aching headache or weak, feverish body.

* * *

"...Sips?"

Sips blinked his eyes open. He felt better, admittedly, less weak and cold and feverish. Sjin was standing above him, clutching a bottle of some sort of potion.

"How are you feeling?" asked the architect, moving forwards cautiously, his voice soft and reassuring.

"Better," murmured Sips, feeling his forehead. "Still a bit like crap, though..."

"Don't talk," warned Sjin. "It'll sap your energy. Here."

He held out the potion. Sips raised an eyebrow at it pointedly, not talking. His unspoken question was obvious, however.

"It's a healing potion," explained Sjin. "It won't fully heal you, but it'll help a lot. I got it from..."

At this, Sjin hesitated. Sips blinked at him. This seemed to weaken Sjin's resolve, and he admitted, "From Rythian. I stole it."

Sips didn't question how Sjin had managed to steal from one of his most dangerous enemies. Instead, he downed the potion in one and fell right back onto the pillows.

Sjin watched the lumberjack's eyes flutter close. Smiling slightly, he reached over and kissed Sips lightly on the lips.

Then, before Sips could open his eyes to say something and ruin the moment, Sjin ducked his head and hurried from the room.


	19. Possible Story Idea: Enderborn

_Author's Note: A new idea for another Yogfic, featuring Rythian and Zoeya and to be titled "Enderborn".  
_  
Rythian held up the Destruction Catalyst and activated it on the last batch of rubble. He had promised himself that he wouldn't cry. He wouldn't. He'd never.

He refused to.

The mage looked out at the flat plain that had once held destruction and, before that, during happier times, the proud fortress of Blackrock Stronghold. Teep had stood behind him, following loyally, clutching the spawn eggs that held the golems and dogs. The dinosaur hadn't protested when Rythian had began Catalysting the Stronghold's remains.

"Well," said Rythian, his voice cold, trying hard to keep down the battling, raging emotions he felt in his gut. "Let's go."

Teep looked at him curiously, as if to say "Where?"

Rythian understood, and shrugged. "I dunno. Somewhere. Anywhere. Not here, though."

Teep blinked and began looking around. Rythian knew what he was looking for, his assumptions confirmed as the dinosaur pointed at a nearby mushroom that had somehow survived the nuke.

"Teep," said Rythian gently, "Zoeya's dead."

And as he said it, the mage knew that it was true. He couldn't stop the tears as they came, a steady trickle at first, then just bursting free of the dam that had held them. Rythian shook, and sank to his knees. He buried his face in his arms and cried.

Teep left him to his thoughts and slowly released the dogs and the golems.

After the sharpshooter was finished, he walked to Rythian's side, the mage still convulsing, his body racked by sobs. The dinosaur laid a scaly hand on Rythian's shoulder.

And the mage looked up, and this time there was purple rage, fire in his eyes, the anger of the Endermen.

"Lalna did this..." he hissed venemously.

Looking to the sky as it began pouring rain, Rythian whispered, "Lalna did this... and my old friend will _pay_..."


	20. Enderborn Stuffs

_Author's Note: Heyya everypony! I'm a teensy bit sick, but that's okay. Have a possible scene from Enderborn! In this scene, Lalna discovers what his nuke has done, and emotional crap occurs. Enjoy!_

"What?!"

Lalna stumbled back in shock. He had nearly put his fist through his computer screen in his surprise. What had he just seen...?!

The scientist had been activating his newly-installed spy cameras. Long story short, he had taken up a bit of spying as a hobby of sorts... well, more of a safety precaution. With Zoeya's help, before she disappeared, they had installed cameras in every base of operations - Sips Co, InTheLittleCorp, Lombucket Island, Honeydew Inc. - then connected said cameras to Castle Duncan.

Lalna still remembered their conversation before Zoeya had disappeared.

"_By the way, what's with the name?_"

"_Oh, Castle Duncan? It's just a fake name._"

"_Heh, Duncan... that's a funny name! In fact, I think that's the name of one of my mushroom aquaintances._"

"_Er... really?_"

"_Yup! Maybe if you come over to Blackrock when Rythian's out, I can introduce you two!_"

Then she had left. But now...

Lalna replayed the tape over, once more. There was Rythian, and Teep, going out, holding spawn eggs. Then Zoeya had gone into the Stronghold. Wait, wait, wait... and then...

Boom.

Lalna's eyes dilated and he started to panic.

"That wasn't supposed to happen," he whispered to the screen, which was stuck on a loop. Playing over the explosion again and again.

"I was just supposed to scare them...

"It was just to keep them at bay...

"I wasn't going to...

"I would never...

"That wasn't...

"No...

"THAT WASN'T SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN!"

Lalna really did put a fist through his computer screen. Drawing his hand out of the smouldering wreck of metal and glass, he got up and began furiously pacing, round and round the room.

"No no no no no..." he muttered, running a hand through his unkempt blonde. "That... this wasn't supposed to happen... Oh, Notch, Zoeya was in there when..."

He stopped for a minute. His brain had been divided into a million warring sides. Zoeya had been in there during the explosion... but no sign of her during the explosion had appeared on the now-wrecked screen...

Lalna groaned and put his head in his hands as he sank to the floor.

"Rythian's gonna kill me..."


	21. Enderborn Notes and Yogmon Stuff

_Author's Note: OKAY NOTE NOTE NOTE MUST READ PLEASE. Kayzers, so I just found out about the awesome new Tekkit series by Rythian, Zoeya and Teep (big yays!). Thus, I'm making Enderborn a definite future fanfic, but it will be an alternate timeline of events. Now have some Yogmon stuff!  
_  
"RIIIIIIIIIIIIIDGE!"

A Salamence's eye opened. He followed the tiny figure of a Drilbur racing towards his shaded-by-a-cave bulk, and watched as the Ground-type Unova Pokemon screeched to a halt.

"Ridge..." panted the Drilbur, "it... emergency... Pokemon... beach... Riolu..."

"Could you try to speak in full sentences?" requested the Salamence called Ridge, lazily.

The Drilbur took a deep breath and let out, in a stream of words:

"I-was-walking-on-the-beach-when-I-saw-a-little-fi gure-in-the-distance-lying-face-down-on-the-sand-s o-I-went-up-to-it-and-I-saw-it-was-a-Riolu-but-his -breathing-was-shallow-and-he-was-unconscious-and- I-panicked-so-I-ran-over-here-to-tell-you!"

The Salamence blinked his eyes. Then, he suddenly spread his vast wings and took to the skies in a rush of wings.

"Show me the way, Honeydew!"

* * *

"There," whispered Honeydew the Drilbur, as they approached the small lone figure washed up on the beach.

It certainly was a Riolu, a pretty well knocked-out one at that. His eyes were closed, though, not filled with swirls like a KO'ed Pokemon.

"Oh, dear," said Ridge, his voice devoid of emotion as he landed three feet away from the Riolu.

Honeydew, on the other hand, rushed to the Riolu's side, eyes wide with panic. Shaking the Riolu helplessly, he wailed, "C'mon, pal! Don't die on me! Uugh! I wish I could have some sort of healing move..."

Honeydew then turned to Ridge. "C'mon, Ridge! Help me!"

"No need," replied Ridge, nudging the Riolu with his snout. "Look."

The Riolu was stirring! Happily, Honeydew stepped back and peered over the Emanation Pokemon, whose eyes were opening.

And blue. And glowing.

"WHAT THE - " bellowed Honeydew, leaping backwards in alarm and toppling over.

Silently this time, Ridge took to the skies and disappeared before the Riolu could notice him.

"AAH!" screamed the Riolu, with a surprisingly loud voice for his size.

"AAH!" screamed Honeydew back.

"AAH!"

"AAH!"

"SHUT UP!" yelled Honeydew frantically.

"OKAY!" shouted back the Riolu, then immediately fell silent, azure eyes glowing powerfully.

Trying very hard not to notice this, Honeydew crept towards the Riolu tentatively.

"H-hi there, buddy," said Honeydew quietly. "What's your name?"

The Riolu just blinked, then started shivering, scared out of his wits.

Honeydew sighed, and extended a friendly claw. "C'mon. Maybe Ridge can help."


	22. Yogmon AU

_Author's Note: HAVE MORE YOGMON._

In the middle of the Tekkit Forest was a large glade, called Honeydew Camp. Honeydew the Drilbur, who wore a horned iron helmet, had named the place after himself, and his best friend, Xephos the Riolu with the glowing blue eyes didn't complain.

After a time, a dishevelled Pikachu clad in a lab coat and goggles had befriended them and made the glade his home as well, by the name of Lalna. He apparently owned an underground camp of sorts, in which he did things related to what he called "science".

Meanwhile, a few minutes' trek to the east, another glade had been inhabited, this time by Sjin the Bidoof and Sips the Poochyena. They also did the "science" thing, and called their place Sips Co.

Then there was Rythian the Houndoom, who built himself a stronghold out of black stone to the north-east. He befriended a mute Deino called Teep, and took up a Breloom called Zoeya as his apprentice.

A nearby island was inhabited by Lomadia, the dwarf Noctowl, and Nilesy, the glasses-wearing Oshawott. The island itself was dubbed Owlbucket Island, in honour of both of its inhabitants.

A small shack to the west was built by the twin Aron brothers, also known as the Rail Bros. There was Strippin, the elder with dark-blue eyes, and Benji, the younger with light-blue eyes.

To the south was a large cave that housed Ridgedog, the almighty Salamence.

The two forest-dwellers, always on the move, were Martyn the Nuzleaf with the strange swirl head-leaf, and Toby the Piplup, who was better with Contests than battles.

Minty the Chikorita always wore a flower, nestled in the crook of her head-leaf. She owned a bar to the east of Sips Co, called the Captive Cacturne. On the opposite side of the Tekkit Forest lived Ravs the Chimchar, who owned the rival bar, the Crooked Crobat, and always wore his stained white bartender apron.

They rarely ventured outside the Tekkit Forest. But when they did, it was a promise for adventure.


	23. Not Really a One-Shot, Just Headcanons

_Author's Note: This isn't really a one-shot, just some Yogscast headcanons fo' me. Also ponies. And dwarves.  
_  
Xephos. He fell from the sky. Blue eyes that glow as bright as the moon on a cloudless night when scared, or when extremely angry. He's got powerful magic of his own, but it tires him out to use it. Also, Ridgedog doesn't let him unless absolutely necessary. He seems to have a weird affinity with bees. Prefers to use science, but will resort to his own magic.

Honeydew. A banished dwarf, from the faraway Khaz Modan. Taller than the average dwarf. Like all dwarves, curious and harbouring a strong dislike for elves. Gets along with everyone except perhaps Martyn. Loves jaffas. A lot.

Lalna. Changed his name to LividCoffee after the Tekkit War, or Sjincident. Occasionally has insane lapses. Makes out that he uses science and dislikes magic, though will dabble in it. Abandoned a technomancy project, but uses technomagic around his castle. Has another alias, Duncan. Adopted by Lomadia's parents.

Sjin. Orphan. Teased for his tall and thin state. Loves mahogany, thanks to a mahogany forest the only thing giving him shelter from bullies. Also has a slightly creepy interest in uranium. Admits to starting the Tekkit War. Full name Sjinoro.

Sips. Last name Underscore. Abusive father and uncaring mother. Escaped his home on foot, and fled to Tekkitopia. Once tried to commit suicide. Chops down trees to vent his anger. Hates a lot of things for absolutely no good reason.

Lomadia. Lalna's adoptive sister. Loves owls for no apparent reason. Met Mr Owl as a fledgling, nestled in the snow. Good with all weapons. Good friends with Zoey and Minty.

Nilesy. A clumsy poolman bad at his job. Loves his family dearly, for they believe in him. Mother passed away. Is essentially his father. Has a pet cat called Lyndon who is, admittedly, much smarter than him. Surprisingly good at table tennis, volleyball and building sandcastles. Is the strongest swimmer out of the Yogscast.

Rythian. Enderborn. Parents used science, but got themselves blown up. Allowed Lalna to test an invention on him back when they were best friends, and resulted in the merging of him and the nearest living creature: an Enderman. Weakest swimmer out of the Yogscast. Nearly as powerful as Ridgedog.

Zoeya. Last name Proasheck. Loves mushrooms for no apparent reason. Was a loner as a child. Teased for being a "weirdo". Now wants to spread love and peace, after finally understanding her bullies' motives.

Teep. Mute. Last of his kind. Lonely. Could live forever. Sharpshooter. Found by Zoeya as an egg, and was raised, but then was taken away by his mother, then poachers. Finally escaped and grew up alone.

Minty. Last name Minute. Strong as - if not stronger than - Strippin. Can outdrink most of the Yogscast members (with the exception of Honeydew). In a love-hate relationship with Sjin. Loves flowers.

Ravs. Half-villager. Frenemies with Minty. Almost always blind-drunk. Doesn't get along well with Benji. Father was a shiplord, thus planting his bar into the middle of a lake. Passionate player of the Lever Game.

Strippin. One of the strongest Yogscast members. Older than his brother, Benji. Has a pigment discolouration with his brother, thus their different-coloured hair. Has yet to beat Minty or Honeydew in an arm wrestle.

Benji. Squid lover. Younger brother of the Rail Bros. Thanks to his pigment discolouration, was born with grey hair. Stronger than he looks. Likes racing his brother on minecarts. Younger by two minutes.

Panda. A hybrid experiment between humans and pandas. Specialised in voodoo magic. Surprisingly friendly. Can turn aggressive, a bit like a wolf. Does actually eat shoots and leaves. Can be very lazy.

Martyn. Last name Littlewood. Also known as InTheLittleWood. King of the Sapling Kingdom. Half-elf, half-druid. Possesses magic healing powers. Changes with the seasons - summer and spring are normal, autumn is red-brown hair and rough leather clothes, winter is InTheLittleFrost. When in the tropics, turns pink and gets flowers (a good source of teasing).

Toby. Squire and Sapling King personal bodyguard. Only sixteen. Can be really fierce when angry. Great with a sword. Mostly innocent. Picked on a bit by the other Yogscast members for his age.

Ridgedog. The most powerful Yogscast member. Has heightened magic. Is the Resurrectioner of Tekkitopia. Is responsible for monster spawning and respawning upon death. Can spawn in anything. Tends to shy away from science, as he can procure anything he wants with the click of two fingers.


	24. Based on Battleblock Theatre's Intro

_Author's Note: Here have a story.  
_  
Ahem.

Hello, dear readers! Dim the lights and snuggle up into a warm, cosy blanket, as I regale you with a tale as warm and loving as a mother's embrace. Or is it? We shall see...

Our story starts out on a boat. But it's not just ANY boat, oh no! It's a ship, a ship filled with heroes and heroines, each one heroic, one and all! But it wouldn't be very wise to ignore the greatest, the best, the practical FOUNDER of heroism... Xephos the spaceman!

This particular batch of heroes was called the Yogscast. And a very nice name it was, too! So they all piled onto what they called the _S.S. Yog_, and as Ridgedog took the wheel, they laughed and sang as they set off for adventure.

The sun beat down, strong and bright, as our heroes milled around and had gallons of fun! There wasn't a cloud in the sky as some of the heroes started a rousing game of on-deck volleyball!

And now Nilesy hit it, now Lomadia hit it, now Teep hit it, now Lalna hit it, and it was simply the greatest fun! However, suddenly their fun was cut short, as Ridgedog pointed and bellowed, "STORM!"

Everyone hurried to get below deck, for a storm can overwhelm even the most heroic heroes, armed with the Heroic Amulet of Heroland and dressed head to toe in heroic - and stylish - armour designed to withstand anything!

Anyway.

Xephos, being quite a hero - and a loyal friend - stayed on deck as Ridgedog continued to try and steer them out of the storm. The wheel when THIS way, the wheel went THAT way, the wheel BROKE OFF and started flailing around on the deck like a beached carp!

Xephos and Ridgedog looked at the wheel like you would at a lousy cat that's just pooped on your front lawn. You'd scream at the cat and say, "GET OUTTA HERE!" but the cat would just go "meow" and sleep on your prized petunias like it owns the place. It's not the cat's place, it's your place! And the wheel was in the complete WRONG place at the time.

So Xephos and Ridgedog looked at each other and Xephos was all like "BALLS".

Anyhoo, after invoking the name of testicles, the two heroes yelled in fear and stumbled below deck. Which is very unbecoming for a hero, stumbling and screaming like that.

And then the ship was being tossed THIS way on the waves, and then the ship was being tossed THAT way on the waves, and then Notch descended from the Aether and he was all like "TROLOLOLOLO" and then he threw some lightning down like freakin' ZEUS and then he ascended back into the Aether into his floating palace of solid diamond blocks.

I have no idea how it stays up but whatever.

So anyway the ship was still being tossed and tumbled and now lighting was raining down and rain was thundering down and everyone was all like "HOLY BLEEP". I had to censor that, because I'm not in the mood for extreme swearing right now.

And then the boat turned upside down and the bottom splintered off and half of them were shocked by lightning and turned into roast chicken somehow and a half of what was left or a quarter for any maths nerds out there were sprinkled into the sea like pepper on a not-peppery dish, and everyone was screaming and stuff and the waves were all like "KAPLOOSH" and then the boat fell down and it went down, down into the depths of the sea...

And then there was black.

I would have preferred rainbow, or green, but hey whatever. You take what you can get.

Anyway, there was black.

And black.

And a little bit more black.

And then Xephos opened his blue glowing eyes and blinked.

Where was he? Who knew? How long had he been seeing black? Where were his fellow heroes and heroines? What the heck had driven Notch to commit such an act? Why am I asking you all these questions?

No-one knows...


	25. For CABRALFAN27

_ CABRALFAN27 : A few things wrong with this fic. Rythian should've been the one to take the wheel and be captain and ridge should've been where Notch was in this story. Also Rythian would stay above deck and help keep the ship afloat if it meant that if the ship sunk, Zoey died. Or maybe Rythian should've been Xephos instead._

Now this review has interested me ever since I checked up on my account a handful of hours ago. I decided that this needed more than an Author's Note, so I am taking the liberty of addressing this properly. Hope that you're happy, CABRALFAN27!

Anyway, my personal opinion on this review is as follows:

1. There is nothing WRONG with this fanfic. This is my one-shot bag, and therefore I can do whatever the bloody shizz-mongers I want. If you don't like this, don't read, or you can make your own one-shot bag.

2. Ridgedog is the most powerful member out of the Yogscast IN MY HEADCANON. Repeat: in my headcanon. Not yours, and that's okay, but honestly! This is MY one-shot bag, as I have said before. Notch is the creator of Minecraft, anyway, so obviously he'd take the place of "God". As for Rythian taking the wheel, I see no reason why he should. Sure, he's powerful as a mage, but he's said himself he's not exactly a seafarer, and if anyone WAS to take the wheel apart from Ridge, it would probably be Nilesy or Xephos (again, my opinion).

3. No-one has died. I am not a fan of needlessly killing off characters. Besides, this is a one-shot, not a fully-fledged fanfic. And anyway, Rythian's power alone wouldn't be enough to keep the ship afloat, not even his and the other magic-users' powers combined. Magic has its limits, and even Ridgedog couldn't keep a giant ship filled with people and a dinosaur and a half-human panda (more headcanons) afloat, regardless of magical aiding.

4. Rythian will never, NEVER, be Xephos. Lewis is the founder of the Yogscast, and therefore is the main character.

Of course, I can always make a Rythian-centred one-shot if you want. And as most of you know, I'm toying with the idea of a RiTZ fanfic: _Enderborn_.

If you'd like to post your opinion on the matter in a review - don't see why you _would_ - go ahead! I'd be glad to see more perspectives on the matter.


	26. Lalna is Rythian and Rythian is Lalna

_Author's Note: Well, now I have all that pissed-off-ness out of my system, have a proper one-shot! Conversation based on the one between Rythian and Lalna in "The Scientist".  
_

Lalna the mage hammered on the inside of the accursed forcefield. Or, at least, he WOULD have hammered on the inside of the accursed forcefield, if it weren't for the protective - and harmful - barrier around the damn thing. Huh. A barrier around a barrier. Overkill, much?

Outside, Rythian hovered around, waving his Swiftwolf's Ring at Lalna tauntingly. The mad scientist would do ANYTHING to get to Lalna, even dabble in arcane wizardry himself. He had no right to do that! Lalna, however, knew better than to rise to the lab-coat-clad scientist's bait, and instead folded his arms, his slightly too long cloak flapping a bit.

"Hello," said Rythian pleasantly, finally settling cross-legged just outside the forcefield, so that they could see each other clearly.

"Is this how you'd treat a visitor?" taunted Lalna. He felt his rage bubbling inside him, but forced himself to remain calm.

"So," said Rythian triumphantly, "as you can see, I heard of your visit."

"I DID warn you," snapped Lalna. He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose and taking deep breaths. After a time, he said, "I didn't come here to kill you, I came here to talk."

Rythian paused. Then, he said, with an infuriatingly superior air, "Okay! We can talk. In the safety of the forcefield...!"

Lalna sighed. Rythian, apparently finding this highly amusing, laughed loudly.

"Okay," said Lalna through gritted teeth. At least the damned scientist was letting him speak...

"So what's up?" prompted Rythian.

Glaring at the scientist, Lalna hissed, barely keeping his temper, "What's UP is that I came here to ask you a question."

When he got no reply, he continued, "And the question is do you realise that what you did to the Old World actually requires... retribution? Justice?"

Rythian cocked an eyebrow, then slowly unfolded his legs and began zooming around the forcefield. He was no longer laughing. His voice was deadly cold and quiet as he spoke.

"Retribution?" he whispered, coming to stop so close to the forcefield that if it were not there he would have been able to count Lalna's eyelashes individually. "Can't I just say... _sorry_?"

He said the last word mockingly, but showed no signs of breaking into one of his maniacal laughter fits. Lalna laughed humourlessly.

"I want to know," the mage said instead, "from you, that - "

"Well, it wasn't me, anyway," interrupted Rythian, starting to fly around again. "It was mostly Sips."

"Yeah, and you didn't do anything," replied Lalna sarcastically, struggling to keep his voice level. "You were a complete innocent."

There was a pause, in which the scientist did nothing except chuckle quietly. Then, Rythian said, almost apologectically, "Yeah, okay, I might've had a small hand."

"Yeah," said Lalna, as sarcastic as ever, refolding his arms. "A _small hand_. Yeah. Forgive me for not quite believing you."

Rythian chuckled, a sound as sinister as his fully-blown maniacal screeches that were called laughter.

"All I know is," continued Lalna, doggedly determined to go on with things, "that everyone was minding their own business, and you and him were just flying around, EXPLODING and DESTROYING and KILLING everything and everyone. Including me, including Clucky, and pretty much everyone else."

The mad scientist was silent, but Lalna found this even more mocking than his chuckling and snide comments.

"Well, you might think," added Lalna, his voice rising, "that that's not a big deal, and all the other people here that you're interacting with, they don't give a crap 'cause they weren't in the Old World, but... I was. And I remember. And... I guess... y'know... I thought, you were just... kind of... y'know, it's no big deal, just - "

"But you're the only one who _cares_," pointed out Rythian.

"I AM the only one who cares, in the end!" exclaimed Lalna angrily. "And that's what's so insane about it! We're just supposed to - "

"Clucky came over," interrupted Rythian, catching Lalna completely by surprise. "We had a nice little talk, nice little chat earlier, had a bit of a drink together, it was lovely!"

There was a deathly silence. Then, Lalna said ever so quietly Rythian barely caught it, "She did?"

When Rythian didn't reply, just looked at Lalna with a fiercely victorious face that distorted his otherwise handsome features, Lalna sighed resignedly and muttered, "Okay."

"Yup!" said Rythian happily.

"So... you just expect me to _not care_," said Lalna disbelievingly, pushing back the eversurfacing rage at everything: at Rythian, at Clucky, at Sips, at science, at himself -

"That you killed us," continued Lalna jerkily. "And I'm supposed to be the insane _warmonger_? 'Get over it'? Get over KILLING ME? And... and IMPRISONING me in this?!"

Rythian started laughing again, and this time he didn't stop for a while. Lalna waited, achingly patient, as Rythian's insane echoing cackles eventually subsided into the loudest silence Lalna had ever heard.

"Yeah, man," said Rythian, a broad grin twisting his features into the insane scientist Lalna knew him to be. "It's in the past! It's all in the past!"

"Yeah," said Lalna, still as sarcastic as ever. "Yeah, everything's in the PAST. Right? Like, once you've MURDERED someone, that doesn't MEAN anything anymore because it was in the PAST! Wha... no big _deal_, no-one _cares_..."

Rythian lapsed into another silent stretch. Then, he said finally, "You're determined to do this, aren't you?"

"All I wanted," hissed Lalna through gritted teeth, "was clarification from you that this will never happen again. Ever. But already, I can see, that you are on the same path again. I mean... what is this? Some sort of... of PRISON? That I can't escape from?"

When Rythian didn't answer for the umpteenth time, Lalna continued to rage. "That's your PLAN, I suppose! You're going to tell me that inside that stronghold of yours, you don't have all KINDS of destructive bombs and nukes and basically things that could destroy this world TEN TIMES OVER?!"

Lalna stopped screaming, his fists went slack, and he suddenly felt a strong desire to do nothing more than hurl his katar into Rythian's throat.

"Well," said Rythian quietly, "now you've come to mention it, actually... um... there IS a nuke... under your base..."

And then followed the loudest and longest maniacal laughing stretch Lalna had ever witnessed Rythian engage in. His head suddenly snapped back, and his normally handsome face was stretched into something disgusting, something horrific, something that was the real Rythian. The laughs easily penetrated the forcefield, and they were high and intense and fuelled by nothing more than utmost insanity.

"S-sorry," stammered Rythian, wiping tears from his face as his whole accursed body spasmed with jolting laughs, "but I needed to... ha ha... needed to have... y'know... _protection_... ah, so I MAY have put a nuke under your base. Um... you might not be able to get RID of it, either..."

There was a pause. And then Rythian started laughing again, not loudly and insane like before, but a low dark chuckling of pure intended evil.

"I'm not bluffing," he continued. Raising a small grey box, Lalna realised that Rythian was holding a remote.

"This is the remote," he explained. Fingering the blood red button, he added, "If I press this, a'ight, your base _goes_."

Silence again.

"You're not bluffing," said Lalna. It was a statement, not a question. "Well... fine. I guess... I guess I overestimated you. I thought you were a decent guy. So I guess you've been pretending all along that you aren't REALLY into this, but no! And now you've gone ahead and imprisoned me, placed a nuke in my base and for all I know, you're... you're... WHAT HAVE I EVER DONE!"

Lalna whirled around and glared accusingly at Rythian.

"Well," sighed Rythian, "you're CONSTANTLY going on about your _revenge_ and stuff. Now I'm gonna put this remote back in my bag, 'cause it's safer there. I won't let it off - " he added with a sickeningly sweet smile, " - don't worry."

And before Lalna could say anything, Rythian had turned tail and was flying off towards his accursed stronghold, silhouetted dramatically as the sun rose to the east.


	27. Festina Lente

_Author's Note: I am currently experiencing some slight writer's block on the Genderbent Universes, so have a one-shot!  
_  
The Jaffa Factory was in chaos.

Papers were flying, machines were beeping, cogs were whirring, pipes were strewn hazardously across the floor, Lalna was tearing at his hair and trying to do fifty things at once, Sips was yelling at a block of wood that had been put in his way, Sjin was sobbing hysterically, and Honeydew was frantically trying to scoop up the jaffa cakes that were spilling out of said machines and pipes and on to the floor.

"SJIN, GET UP AND OFF YOUR ARSE AND _DO SOMETHING_!" screamed Lalna, whirling around with his hands filled with assorted technical shizzle-wizzle.

"Whyyyyy?" sobbed Honeydew, collapsing to his knees with jaffas strewn all around him. "My babbies! OH, THE HUMANITY!"

"NOTCH-DAMMIT, YOU STUPID BLOCK OF STUPID WOOD." Sips stamped his feet and hammered the wood-block with his grey fists.

Lalna swore again and was about to go and yell at Honeydew when he backed up too much and fell over Sjin, inducing much pain and swearing.

Sjin gave a little scream of sadness and collapsed, face first, on to the ground, beating the floor with his fists and giving himself over to a fully-blown tantrum. Lalna growled and jumped at Sjin's throat, and soon the two were wrestling around on the floor, Sjin crying like a newborn and Lalna pummelling the architect with a pipe.

As they rolled behind Sips, the CEO screamed and kicked the wood-block violently, thus causing a sharp painful pain to go up his right leg and cause more swearing.

Honeydew was crying too, possibly even louder than Sjin. Coupled with Sips' swearing, Lalna's yelling, the machines whirring and the twenty-thousand other sounds going on in the background, it caused possibly the whole factory to shudder and shake.

**MEANWHILE**

"More tea, Xephos?"

"Why, yes, Lomadia."

The owlkeeper tipped the china teapot, pouring warm tea into the teacup belonging to the spaceman sitting across from her.

"It's great, having some alone time with each other," said Xephos warmly, sipping his equally warm tea.

"Nothing too chaotic or crazy for once," added Lomadia happily.

Smiling at each other, they clinked their teacups together. As they drank, Xephos said into the comfortable silence, "What do you think the others are doing?"

"I'm sure they're fine," said Lomadia.

Xephos and Lomadia looked at each other, then burst out laughing.

**MEANWHILE AGAIN**

"Festina lente! Festine lente!" gabbled Lalna. The mad scientist was chained down to a thick slab of metal, while the other three watched him struggle helplessly.

"What is he SAYING?" whined Honeydew.

"How is this my LIFE?" countered Sips bad-temperedly.

"Why did it have to be ME?" whimpered Sjin.

Lalna turned crazed, accusing blue eyes on the other three. Throwing back his head, he screamed, "FESTINA LENTE! FESTINA LENTE!"

Angrily, Honeydew ran up to the scientist and, grabbing his shoulders, shook him violently.

"WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO TELL US?!" roared the dwarf.

"Festiiiina," hissed the scientist, an insane grin spreading across his face, "lenteeeeeeee..."

Facepalming, Sjin turned to Sips.

"Do you have any ink, paper or feathers?" he asked weakly.

"Why?" replied Sips curiously.

"We need Xephos back," admitted Sjin grudgingly, turning to the scientist-shaking dwarf and the dwarven-shook scientist.

Sips frowned. "Why? Does he know what 'festina lente' means?"

"Maybe it's a new ice-cream flavour," suggested Sjin. "Or a new pizza."

Turning to the scientist, Sips said confusedly, "So Livid's hungry?"

"FESTINA-LENTE-FESTINA-LENTE-FESTINA-LENTE-FESTINA -LENTE."

Honeydew face-palmed.


	28. PFSDOR

_Author's Note: Dedicated to Fluffle Puff, the fluffiest pony around. This is another Yogpony AU one-shot, by the way.  
_  
One day in Sips Co there was some pink dye lying around.

There was also some wool.

Sjin was walking around Sips Co when he saw there was some pink dye lying around.

There was also some wool.

Excited, Sjin dyed the wool with the pink dye, because dying it with himself - the only thing around at the time - was stupid.

Sjin was not stupid.

At least, he hoped.

Stowing the now-pink wool in his pockets, Sjin walked around casually, helping out and messing up and generally screwing around with Sips.

Don't take that the wrong way.

When nighttime fell, and Sips was snoring away peacefully, Sjin snuck out.

He got some honey he had stolen from Site Bee out of his pockets.

He spread the pink wool out over a table.

He set the honey down next to the pink wool.

He went to go get paper.

The paper was from the bark of that bright-pink tree at Site Bee.

That dumb tree had nothing on mahogany.

He got some sticky tape.

He rolled the paper up into a cone.

He stuck the cone's ends together so it would not unravel.

He went back to the wool.

He covered the wool in honey.

He wrapped the wool like a suit around him.

He stuck the paper pink horn in place - which was the middle of his head - with some honey.

He then went under his bed and got out a giant rainbow mat.

He spread the mat out on the floor.

He got on the mat.

He started to dance.

Then he started to hum.

In his mind, the song he was humming went a little something like this:

_Pink fluffy Sjinicorn dancing on rainbows,  
Pink fluffy Sjinicorn dancing on rainbows,  
Pink fluffy Sjinicorn dancing on rainbows,  
Pink fluffy Sjinicorn dancing on rainbows!_


End file.
